Why you should never shrink yourself again just to please others

A loving reminder for your bold, wild & wonderful self

Hey love, do you know this feeling? You’re sitting in a group, an idea pops into your head, a thought, an opinion — but you stay quiet. You make yourself a little smaller. You laugh a little softer. You hide your sparkle so no one feels outshined. I know exactly how that feels. And you know what? It’s time to stop.

Today, let’s talk about why you should never shrink yourself again just to make others feel comfortable.Because you deserve to stand tall, in your full, radiant self.And because the world needs you — exactly as you are.

Why do we shrink ourselves in the first place?

Here’s the thing: You don’t do it because you’re "weak." You do it because somewhere along the way, you learned you were "too much." Too loud. Too emotional. Too ambitious. Too sensitive. Too beautiful. Too smart. Too… *fill in the blank.*

Maybe as a child, you often heard things like: "Don’t be so loud." "Stop making such a fuss." "Pull yourself together." "Don’t be so dramatic."

These sentences burn themselves into your memory. They become beliefs like: "I need to fit in, or I’ll be rejected." "If I shine too bright, I’ll make others uncomfortable." "I shouldn’t be more successful, more joyful, or freer than others — otherwise I won’t belong."

This isn’t random. Psychologists call it social adaptation. Our brain is hardwired to belong to the group — in prehistoric times, this was crucial for survival. Being "different" meant risking exclusion. That pattern still lives in us today. But, darling: We’re not living in the Stone Age anymore.

The price you pay when you shrink yourself

Maybe you’re thinking: "It’s not a big deal. I just don’t want to cause trouble."But don’t underestimate the cost.

When you shrink yourself, you lose:

Energy: It’s exhausting to constantly bend and twist yourself.
Self-worth: Every time you hide, you’re telling yourself: "I’m not enough as I am."
True connection: People who only like the "smaller" version of you, don’t really love the real you.
Joy: It’s draining to censor yourself day after day.

💡 Good to know: Studies show that people who constantly try to please others (aka People Pleasers) have a much higher risk of burnout, depression, and anxiety. Your nervous system is stuck in permanent stress mode when you keep sidelining your own needs.

Why do we want to be liked so badly?

The answer is simple and painfully honest: We all want to be loved. We crave belonging, recognition, safety.

But here’s the truth that stings: If you hide who you are just so others will like you —you’ll never know if they truly like YOU, or just the mask you’re wearing.

Your greatness isn’t the problem — it’s the solution

Let me tell you something I would tell my best friend: You are not "too much." You are exactly right. For the right people, you will never be too loud, too wild, too emotional, or too ambitious.

The ones who want to shrink you often do so because of their own fears and insecurities. Your light reminds them of where they’re still dimming their own. But you’re not here to make others feel comfortable. You’re here to shine.

How to stop shrinking yourself

Here are 5 steps you can start practicing today:

Notice your patterns
Pay attention to when and where you make yourself small. Around which people? In which situations? Write it down — awareness is key.
Identify your beliefs
Ask yourself: What do I fear will happen if I show up fully?
Most answers will sound like: "They’ll reject me."
That’s your old protection mechanism talking.
Practice radical honesty
Dare to say what you really think. It’s okay if not everyone applauds. You’re not here to be everybody’s darling.
Allow yourself to take up space
Every morning, ask yourself: How would I show up today if I didn’t care about pleasing anyone?
Be kind to yourself
You won’t unlearn old patterns overnight. But every time you choose to show up fully, you grow stronger.

The science behind why shrinking yourself doesn’t work

In psychology, this behavior is called self-denial. Over time, it creates an inner conflict that triggers stress hormones like cortisol. Your body reads it as a constant threat.

The results?

Poor sleep
Lack of focus
Shaky relationships
Diminished joy

A US study from 2020 showed that women who learned to stand up for their needs were not only happier — but also healthier.Self-care isn’t a luxury — it’s a survival strategy.

Little Reminder: You’re allowed to take up space

Picture this: You walk into a room and own it. Not because you’re trying to impress. But because you simply allow yourself to be fully YOU. With your voice, your dreams, your feelings.

The women you admire? They don’t shrink themselves. They inspire — because they let their light shine. And guess what? You can do that, too.

A love letter to you

If anyone ever made you believeyou had to shrink yourself,remember this:

You are a damn miracle. You’re here to laugh loudly, dream wildly, and show up fully.

The people who love you will love you in your wholeness. You are not "too much."You are exactly right.

Now is the time to stop bending. Now is the time to step into your greatness.

With love, Your Merle💜

#selfworth #selfcare #femaleempowerment #lifecoaching #youareenough #beyou #personaldevelopment #peoplepleasingade