Why they´re important and how you can handle them.
Are you a chronic "yes man"? Someone asks for your help, and you automatically answer, "Yes, of course. Happy to help!" And then you regret saying yes because you don't have the time or the desire to help at the xth event. Have you ever felt overwhelmed because you always said "yes" even when you wanted to say "no"? What does that do to you?
Do you get annoyed with yourself because you want to handle it differently, but somehow the people-pleaser in you seems to speak up every time you're faced with a question like that? Do you then feel drained and disrespected because others are demanding your time and energy? Then this article is for you. Because with every "yes" you gift to the other person, you tell yourself "no" and put your own needs and dreams on the backburner. Learn to set healthy boundaries and give yourself a "yes"!
Why do we need boundaries?
Boundaries are essential for our well-being and mental health. They help us protect our energy, communicate our needs, and maintain our self-esteem. Without clear boundaries, we easily lose ourselves in the expectations and demands of others. We feel burned out, frustrated, and sometimes even worthless. Furthermore, without boundaries, we would lose ourselves to others and only act according to external dictates. And who wants to spend their whole life in the passenger seat?
Boundaries create clarity.
They define what is acceptable to you and what is not.
They show others how they should treat you and what is important to you.
They help you set your priorities and focus on what is important.
What happens if I don't set boundaries?
Without boundaries, you risk losing yourself. You may always say "yes" out of fear of disappointing or rejecting others. Perhaps you learned in your childhood that it is not safe to say "no," to express your honest opinion, or even to set boundaries. However, this often leads to you neglecting your own needs and desires. You let yourself be pushed around, you have no control over the results in your own life, and you feel like no one really knows you. The outcome? You feel stressed, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained.
Consequences of a lack of boundaries:
Exhaustion and burnout. You never have enough time and energy for yourself and the things you love.
Low self-esteem. You don't feel valuable or important.
Feeling overwhelmed. You are never done, never ahead of things.
Dissatisfaction in relationships. You feel lonely.
When should I set boundaries?
Setting boundaries is an ongoing process. It's best to start with very small boundaries so as not to overwhelm yourself. You should always set boundaries when you feel uncomfortable, stressed, or disrespected. Here are some specific situations:
At work: When colleagues constantly take up your time or your boss keeps pushing more and more work onto you. Thank them for thinking of you, but tell them kindly that this doesn't fit into your workload right now.
In relationships: When partners, friends, or family members ignore your needs or take advantage of you. Use the first person and say very clearly how you feel about the situation and what you want. “I feel…” and “I need…”
In your free time: When you don't have enough time for yourself to relax and recharge. Give yourself self-care time. Write it down on your calendar. Postpone meeting with your friends. Make yourself a priority and consciously do something good for yourself.
What do I do when boundaries are not accepted?
It can be frustrating and discouraging when your boundaries are not respected. But it is important to stand firm and communicate clearly. Here are some steps that can help you do this:
Communicate clearly and directly: Share your boundaries clearly and bluntly. For example: "I need time for myself now."
Provide consequences: Make it clear what will happen if your boundaries continue to be ignored. For example: "If you continue to disrespect my time, I cannot take on this project."
Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or even a coach for support and advice.
Reinforce boundaries: If someone repeatedly ignores your boundaries, set consequences. This could mean spending less time with that person or refusing certain tasks.
When is someone crossing my boundaries?
You know someone is crossing your boundaries when you feel stressed, angry, or disrespected. Signs of this are:
You feel drained after meeting certain people.
You do things that you don't really want to do.
You are regularly interrupted or ignored. You don't feel valued.
What can I do about it?
Build self-confidence:
Reflect: Think about why you find it difficult to set boundaries. Is it because of the fear of rejection or the desire to be liked? When did this fear develop? And do you want to continue this pattern?
Self-care: Invest time in activities that are good for you and strengthen you. A healthy mind and body help you to act more clearly and decisively. What creative or movement-related activity makes you forget the time and space around you?
Improve communication:
Be assertive: Express your needs and boundaries clearly and respectfully. Practice saying "no" without feeling guilty.
Use I-messages: Instead of attacking the other person, say how you feel and what you need. For example: "I feel overwhelmed when I take on additional tasks."
Seek support:
Friends and family: Share your experiences with trusted people who can support you. It's good to know that your friends and family members have your back, whether you say "yes" or "no."
Professional help: A coach or therapist can help you identify and enforce your boundaries. Together, you can work out your values, and develop strategies to live your life accordingly.
Setting boundaries is not only a sign of self-respect but also of strength. It allows you to live your life the way you want and use your energy for what is really important to you. It may be difficult at first, but the more often you do it, the easier it will become.
Remember: You are worth being respected and heard. Set your boundaries and step into your power with confidence.
Are you having trouble setting your boundaries? Share your experiences, and let's talk about it. Together, we are stronger! 💪✨
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